Pastafagioli (Pasta & Beans) by Bill (the Sicilian)
[Please excuse the broken English]

   Firsta, you gotta starta wita da righta stoff. You need a biga, tica pot datsa no stick, causa da pasta he lika to sticka to da pot. You also gotta have a flatta, wooda sticka to stir da food. Mia Molia, Elga, she say itsa calda spitoona, or somating lika dat. You never usa da rubber spitoona, unlessa you lika da taste a rubber.  Now data you gotta da pot anna da spitoona, you gonna needa da pasta.  Besta isa Ditalini froma da olda contry. (Datsa tiny Ditali. You see, inna olda contry, we say "ini" if itsa small - lika spaggatini, raviolini anda fettucini). Anna you gotta hava da bianci fagioli.  Besta coma from Italy, but ifa you gotta buy American, try Great Northern Beans. Dey pretty good.  To feeda four people, usa ona pounda ditalini anna two cansa beans. Iffa you gonna feeda joosta two people, you joosta cutta inna half.   Iffa you no gooda with arithmetic, aska two freinsa to dinner.   Now you gotta hava da spice: salta, fresha garlic, fresha basil, fresha oregano, fresha reda pepper, anna fresha black pepper.  Donna forgetta da virgin olive oil.  Ifa you olive oil gotta little experience, itsa no good.  Ifa you gotta no fresha spice, maka rosta beef.

   Starta by choppin upa da garlic very fine.  Heata da garlic ina oil, buta no letta get brown (maksa bitter).  You canna add a coupela spoonsa bean juice to da oil whila you heatimup. Denna da oil no getta too hot. Dumpa da faggioli inna pot anna getta you spitoona. Now you gotta stir alla time.  Keep a potta water boiling, causa you gonna need it. Adda soma hotta water to da faggioli. Put ina da spices asa you like. Iffa you lika basil, usa lotsa basil.  Iffa you lika oregano, usa lotsa oregano.   Iffa you lika hot, usa lotsa red pepper. You gotta da idea?  Afta you gotta da spices inna pot anna itsa boil, dumpa da pasta anna keepa stirring.  Itsa gonna take abouta 20 minuti to cooka da pasta.  Keepa adding hota water asa da pasta suck upa da juice.  Keepa dat spitoona workin or you gonna hava pastafasticka.  Cooka da pasta 'til itsa way you lika.  I lika al denti. Atsa mean "to the tooth", or alittle stiff.  Now you done anna can mangare.  [Deviled eggs or fried catfish go really well with pastafagioli.]  Sometimes I'll throw in some tiny meatballs or hot sausage - depends on my mood.  And, of course, a good red wine, not too dry, goes well.  When your done eating, have some fresh fruit. Depending on how much red pepper you put in the mix, you may need it!